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Remedial English at Florida State
Or how to graduate while keeping your football scholarship

A bill is before the Florida Legislature to make southern slang,
or Hickbonics, the official language of the state.
What follows are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary:


HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.
HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.
Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"

BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."
Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."

JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

BAMMER - (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.
Usage: "A tornada jes went through Bammer an left $20,000,000 in
improvements."

MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.
Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd
from him in munts."

THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively assess.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.
Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."
Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert!"

RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.
Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my
brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

AWL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.
Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts awl in my pickup truck."

FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.
Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the awl in my pickup
truck, that thing's gonna catch far."

TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.
Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat
tar in my pickup truck."

TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.
Usage: "Lord willin and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see
that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.
Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."

FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.
Usage: "You younguns keep fatin, en ahm gonna whup y'all."

RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.
Usage: "We Southerners are willin to fat for are rats."

FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.
Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn
country."

DID - (adjective) - Not alive.
Usage: "He's did, Jim."

EAR - (noun) - A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen.
Usage: "He cain't breathe...give im some ear!"

BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.
Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."

JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.
Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob
war fence cumpny?"

HAZE - a contraction.
Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a
minnit'n is laf."

SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".
Usage: "I's seed em high taylin yit otta ear."

VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.
Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"

GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.
Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert.




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